|
 home > Family Enrichment > Get Help > Help Articles
Help your child cope
with holiday stress!
By Rod Marshall, Ed.S., LPC-S, NCC, RPT-S
Director of Counseling
Alabama Baptist Children's Homes & Family Ministries
The old song says that the holidays are “the most wonderful time of the year.” Many of us look forward to seeing family and renewing relationships as we have concentrated time together. The holidays can also, however, be a time of stress and strain.
Stress and disappointment are inevitable in life, and may come even during times of happiness and joy. Parents must do all they can to teach their children to accept this fact and to help them cope in constructive ways.
When we say that children must be taught to be “resilient,” we are saying that parents have the responsibility of making sure that their children
- Have the resources to deal competently and successfully with the world
- Have the capacity to cope and feel competent
- Are able to deal with stress effectively
- Are able to bounce back from disappointments
- Are able to develop clear and realistic goals to solve problems.
Resilient children generally have optimistic worldviews. They feel appreciated and valued, set realistic goals, are able to solve problems, can make decisions, display growth-promoting coping strategies, are aware of their strengths and weaknesses, and are empathic.
Resilient children also are able to define what aspects of their life they have control over and to focus their energy and attention on these areas rather than on factors over which they have little influence.
Robert Brooks & Sam Goldstein, authors of Raising Resilient Children, suggest that we respond to our children in a way that acknowledges the child’s feelings, but that also allows him or her to experience the consequences of his or her decisions.
Brooks and Goldstein recommend that parents resist the temptation to immediately rescue the child or to “bail him or her out.” The best parenting for fostering resiliency acknowledges emotion without getting “bogged down” in the emotion of the child or parent.
Other suggestions of ways you can teach your children resilience are:
- Help your children to feel loved and appreciated by creating traditions and special times with them, making certain not to miss significant events, and accepting your children for who they are, not what you want them to be. The holidays are a great time to create fun and meaningful family traditions. Every Christmas Eve afternoon, my family goes to a family movie together. Create your own family traditions.
- When your children are young, it is important for you to provide opportunities for them to help others and to involve them in making age-appropriate choices. The holidays provide numerous opportunities for service to others.
- Establish a positive relationship, characterized by open communication, genuine caring and mutual warmth.
- Be consistent and predictable.
- Build on the positive: Teach responsibility by encouraging contributions, look for “islands of competence,” offer positive feedback, and help children to see the value of their unique strengths.
- Teach problem-solving skills.
- Cultivate empathy. Empathy is the ability to identify with feelings, thoughts and attitudes of others. Empathy is not the same as sympathy, and it does not necessarily mean that you agree with another’s position or ideas. In your interaction with children, ask yourself, “Would I want someone to talk to me the way I am talking to this child?” and “Am I saying or doing things in such a way that my child will be most responsive to listening and learning from me?” You can build empathy by allowing your child to choose a toy that will be given to the Baptist Children’s Homes or Toys for Tots or another charity that will pass the toy along to a child in need.
- Use appropriate humor. Avoid sarcasm, but look for the lighter side of life’s frustrations. The holidays should be filled with laughter and cheer.
- Live out your values. Make your decisions based on your values and beliefs, not on the circumstances you are in or the feelings you are experiencing. Children who observe their parents living out their values system are much more likely to grow up to be people of good character and resiliency.
Take advantage of the opportunity to talk about the value of true Thanksgiving and during this season of gift-giving to reflect upon the Greatest Gift ever given, Jesus Christ.
Email
Rod Marshall with your comments.
|
